The mansion is large near Lake Boomerang.
The swans are very beautiful in the water.
People are going to the bar to have lunch.
The boat is getting tied at the jetty so it doesn’t float away.
The ducks are playing with the swans in the water.
You have chosen some good descriptive words in your description. Using the word “mansion” instead of just “big house” helps your readers to make a more interesting picture in their minds as they read.
Perhaps next time you could try using some different sentence beginnings as well. You could write your draft to get down your ideas and then try to think of a more interesting way to say the same sentence. You can sometimes take the end of the sentence and move it to the beginning to make your writing more interesting, e.g. “In the water the ducks are playing with the swans.”
Keep up the good work.
I like the name you gave for the lake. You have observed a lot of action from one scene. Perhaps for next time, you could try using some connectives to link your sentences together.
You have chosen some good descriptive words in your description. Using the word “mansion” instead of just “big house” helps your readers to make a more interesting picture in their minds as they read.
Perhaps next time you could try using some different sentence beginnings as well. You could write your draft to get down your ideas and then try to think of a more interesting way to say the same sentence. You can sometimes take the end of the sentence and move it to the beginning to make your writing more interesting, e.g. “In the water the ducks are playing with the swans.”
Keep up the good work.
I like the name you gave for the lake. You have observed a lot of action from one scene. Perhaps for next time, you could try using some connectives to link your sentences together.
You have noticed a lot of details, Joseph. I wonder what might happen to the characters next?
Sounds like a lovely, peaceful place.