Once there was a lady who lived in a hotel. One day she decided to go on a vacation in England for one day. When she got there she was surprised how many people were in England. At 1 o’clock she went fishing and got ten fish and fed some bread to beautiful swans. When it was dinner she cooked the fish on the barbecue and ate it with some chicken and then she went home.
Hi Annabel
That was a really great story. It sounds like a very fun, action packed day for the lady in your story. Well done
Jane
Hi Annabel
I was really engaged with your story.
I enjoy fishing and would love to catch lots of fish on vacation.
Keep up the good story lines
Good work
GD
Hi Annabel
This is a lovely Story about the lady in England.
It brought back memories of when I was a young girl living in England
Feeding the white swans was a great memory from your story
I look forward to your next story
Suema
I really enjoyed reading your story about the lady’s vacation. She had a very busy day!
I thought you had done a good job of editing your work to make sure you have good spelling and punctuation, and also to make sure you have enough details to help your readers to understand what is happening in your story. All of these things make it much more enjoyable for readers to read.
Great work!
You have included a lot of information in five sentences! This makes your writing more interesting to read. Great editing too! Keep up the great work.
I wondered were this lady came from? I imagined she may have travelled from France or another European city. Your detailed writing allowed me to use my imagination.
That’s a pretty full day. She’ll probably need a holiday to recover from the holiday!