The sun was rising and the winds were whistling softly. When the milkman’s truck stopped, Addie smiled for the first time that day. The birds had been peckish and while nibbling her pancakes they had knocked the milk off the table. Now she was super excited about having some more milk for her customers.and the postman arrived at that moment and gave her the parcel tat she had been waiting for ages.
This is a very well-crafted piece of writing. You have put a lot of effort into thinking about choosing vocabulary that paints a picture in the reader’s mind. I felt like I was really part of the scene as I read your story.
Since you have done so well with vocabulary this time, I wonder if next time you will explore interesting words even further.
Where you said, “super excited”, are there other words that could have expressed this even better? Other words you might be able to try could be “delighted”, “ecstatic” or “thrilled”. In a short story, every word you choose can slightly change the way the reader feels when reading.
My favourite part of your writing this week is the way that you have used your imagination to create a problem. Every good story has an interesting problem, and your story is excellent. Well done!
Your first sentence captured my interest and I was keen to read on. You have expertly created a problem within a short script and I was keen to find out more! I can see that you really enjoy writing. Fantastic!
We liked the words “whistling softly” as it made us imagine the sound. We also liked learning a new word “peckish”. We loved this story.